SCOTT'S YOGA

I took a class over the weekend. Not a yoga class but a contemporary dance class, which is a bit out of my element. I took the class partly out of interest, partly out of challenge. The class was wonderful, I find it both challenging and fun to learn new movements, even if it is intimidating at first. Its an exercise for both the body and the brain. Dance has a long and lustrous history but for the most part, the worlds of dance and yoga tend to be separate. Yet the more I experience the more I find common movement principles and ideas. Something very specific resonated with me during this class.  It talked to my entire philosophy as a teacher. I can't recall the exact words but it went something like this:

Complicated moves and sequences challenge our bodies and our brains on their own but are not the place to work on the specifics of each movement. Instead we use simple movements to practice and explore the specifics of each individual position, so we can later challenge ourselves by putting them together to form more complicated movements in a safe and maintainable way.

I'd never specifically thought of it that way, yet it made sense to me. In fact the goal of the entire class was to work on individual movements and show a potentially better way to do those movements. The purpose in dance being health. Finding ways to perform dance movements in a way that keeps our bodies healthy and gives longevity in practice, avoiding injury and strain as much as possible. For a professional dancer it makes sense. Yoga, for me, physically has generally been about healing, yet as with any physical practice it can cause the same issues with strain and injury. It makes sense for any form of physical movement, from the dancing to walking down the street.

Lately however I'd been somewhat frustrated. I see other acro teachers, teaching fancy sequences and washing machines, and I want to be able to do the same. I feel like I've assumed the role of "fixer", that people come to me to fix their acro problems as opposed to seeing and doing exciting stuff. Initially I was flattered and I still am. I've received many compliments and praises for helping people figure out acro moves in their bodies. Still I felt like I was missing out on the flash and fun. I wanted to be the cool teacher who showed all of the fun stuff! I could do all those flashy things and more, so why didn't I teach them? Worry about the little things later. Real or not those thoughts were weighing on me. I was questioning my entire teaching method and practicing philosophy.

Yet when I heard the dance teacher discuss her philosophy of movement I realized it was also my own. She was simply coming at it from a different direction. She was working backwards from injury and strain to find a better way, I was beginning with the basics and building a strong base for my student's practices. Both had the same goal, to reduce strain and injury, but also one more added benefit. With a strong base you can much more easily build those complex movements and sequences. Instead of a single sequence it becomes a series of basic moves. The mind and body understand each individual part and all that is left is stitching them all together.

Here I was taking a class in a completely different form of movement with a teacher who spoke to the same values and principles that I try to teach in my own classes. Acro yoga is a yoga of trust and a yoga of community. The trust doesn't simply extend to the other people you work with but also to yourself. You need to be able to trust your mind and your body in order to inspire trust in others. I'd long been told I was a safe base and very easy to trust and its because I trust myself. In my classes I try to teach those same values. So even though it may seem like I'm working slower or not teaching all the fun stuff, I'm building a practice based on a strong foundation for my students. So I can trust them, they can trust each other and most importantly they can trust themselves! Everything in acro is fun to me. The stronger and safer I feel when I work with someone the more fun we both have. The flash and dazzle will come and it will be all the more flashy and dazzily(? I just made up a word! :) ) when it does with a strong, safe and hopefully even more creative with a strong foundation beneath it.

I don't often write about technology. I find yoga and philosophy to be much more interesting topics to write about, even though by day I get paid to work in tech. So every day I'm immersed in the world of technology and the internet. I'm a software developer in my day job/pay the bills job. The industry that makes much of the tech we use every day, including of course social networks. I get social networks. I understand why they work as a tool. In university I created a small one for me and my tech friends and project classmates to use. I didn't go on to make mine famous of course but that's another story. I'll admit though, I was slow to sign up to the current smattering. I was never into MySpace, I simply didn't see why that would be needed when you could have your own web page (which of course I did). It was just web pages for kids and people who didn't know how to make web pages, I told myself. As a kid myself I often dismissed the offerings of the time like AOL for the same reason. To me connection was the point of the whole web not of a limited network, with limited expression.

I eventually bit the bullet and signed up begrudgingly to facebook. Begrudgingly because I didn't ever like the idea of restriction. The web was meant to be a free place where you could find and exchange any information and facebook seemed to limit that. In fact it did just that. It limited everything. However it did two things very well. It made it easy for people to create an online presence and it made it easier to find people you knew and communicate with them. Lets face it, even though the web itself could serve this purpose, it simply wasn't. It was too complicated and facebook made it all simple and put it all in one place. That's why these "alternative" networks worked, I thought. They simply made things easier. However facebook wasn't the end. More and more social networks started popping up here and there. Some failed, like google+ because it tried to be the same as facebook. That made sense. However so many others succeeded and I couldn't figure out why. Part of me thought I was just too old to get the point of it all. Or that I was possibly too educated in a specific field that made it pointless to me. I mean the web had never been a limiting factor to me and facebook was already on the verge of pushing my online socializing beyond my own comfort level, why on earth would I want more. Still I figured it was a place for online extroverts to do their thing. It just wasn't my thing.

Fast forward to this past summer. I was being teased by non-techs about not being on Instagram. At the time I didn't even know what Instagram was. I mean I'd heard the name, I knew it was one of these new social networks, but that was it. I had to google it and read the wikipedia article on it to attempt to "understand" this thing I had no interest in.. My frustration came from crossover with facebook. I noticed plenty of the stuff I was seeing at the time was shared to facebook from Instagram. It was content that I wanted to see. Content pertaining to yoga and acro yoga. Sure I'd see a pic of a still and some words but you don't get the linking of names and you don't get the actual instagram content if you don't have the app and an account. That last bit really annoyed me. Why couldn't I just view without being a member shmember. Yet I finally did it for the purpose of seeing that content alone and only that content. Yet unbeknownst to me facebook and instagram are bed buddies. So facebook tells all my friends i'm on instagram. I'm sure it asked me about this at some point and I didn't bother to read something and I just wanted some box to go away so I could look at my darn video! What it resulted in was people "tagging" me? I don't even know if that is the correct lingo. Basically people starting mentioning me in comments as a way of messaging me for everyone to see. Again I didn't get it because instagram had a perfectly good private message function and so did facebook and google and not to mention sms ...etc. etc.. But whatever ... I'll play along.. Not too long afterwards people began asking me to post. Again I did begrudgingly, but something funny happened. I enjoyed it. I liked playing with the filters, I liked looking at others work, I liked the recognition of my own. I was getting the hang of this.

Turns out it wasn't just another social network. What made it different wasn't that it could do everything and be everything but rather it was its limitations that made it different. Instagram limited the form and content of interaction. It was that limitation that gives way to a better form of online artistic expression. Now I got it! The others were similar. Twitter, tumblr ... they all had limitations of features and a more specific focus that tended to create something unique. I was never fully on board with facebook. It was useful to me because I could communicate with people there but beyond that much of it annoys me. If each social network has a "purpose", then facebooks would be "hey look at me! look at me!".  Sure you can turn any of them into that, and in some way that's what they all are. Yet its those limitations that make subtle differences. On instagram I felt I could express myself creatively, with pictures specifically but video as well. I could express and I could see the expression of others without all of the clutter. Others could appreciate my creativity and let me know it. It was all quite delightfully simple without ever being too much!

I'm not sure everyone see's all the subtleties and I'm sure some people just do it because everyone else does. But now I realize there is a different purpose at play here. Although just because I realize it doesn't mean I feel I need to engage in it. I love instagram and it gives me an expression that I enjoy. I tolerate facebook, it is after all the cocktail party of the internet, can't miss the party. :( I have accounts on twitter and tumblr that I never use. Youtube is for videos, end of story. I don't have a Snapchat account and not sure I will, nor do I bother with Whatsapp, and I'm sure there are a bajillion more. I know they all have some attraction, some subtlety of their own, either designed purposefully or stumbled on haphazardly, but I don't need to use them. I'll use the tools that make sense to me and are useful to me as I find them, stumble on them, or become peer pressured into using them. I may "get it" now, but that doesn't mean I have to "do it" all.

​I woke up late this morning ... seems these days always start like that. I don't use an alarm clock, I wake up when it feels like i should, or my dog's get me up. This morning that meant sleeping a bit late I suppose and having to rustle the dogs awake ... seemed they wanted more bed time too! Driving to work, I almost got hit by a school bus and a biker refusing to leave the snow track (the one way snow track) on a two lane road.  I got stuck in a traffic jam in the parking lot because a lady was walking down the middle of the road. I don't blame her, it was the only place without ice, but sensible shoes would've helped. As I stepped out of the truck I heard a ripping sound ... thought it must be the cuff of my pants and quickly forgot about it. Well forgot about it until I sat cross legged at my desk and felt my cold foot on bare skin ... well you get the idea. I split my pants open!

Got into work late but only 15 minutes or so, not bad. Went to get my morning coffee. Straight to the express lane I go. Small orders and beverages only. Except this morning a lady had out a list of coffee orders and donut orders, because a random dozen just wouldn't do. In her confusion, possibly the first time she's ever ordered a coffee, she stole the coffee's of the two people before her. 20 minutes later and I'm at my desk. Which on any other day would be okay but this morning there were urgent emails waiting! An urgency (my way or saying emergency for non-emergency things) ... something I needed to look at right away. As I begin to type my finger really hurts. I lift and turn my hand to see a nasty paper cut looming across my finger. Still I type away. It took most of the morning to hash out the issues. Wasn't something I did, it was an external problem but it still took all morning. All this and it isn't even lunch yet, and I know I have to drive across town at lunch for an appointment. Sigh.

SO why am I writing about all of this? Well because I feel just fine! I didn't panic or go crazy when I was late. I didn't swear at the cyclist or the school bus. Not even the lady in the parking lot with the insensible shoes. I parked and enjoyed my morning 3 block walk in the brisk air. I was giggling on the inside at the coffee lady. She was clearly not having a good morning and was doing her best to make it worse, even though it was just coffee and donuts. As for the work incidents. I got it all figured out and resolved. Sure I didn't get to work on what I had planned but I will do that later. As for the pants ... luckily for me it isn't super visible, or maybe lucky for everyone else rather. :P I can't make it home at lunch so it'll be a bit of an airy day of doing my best not to make it worse/visible. The pants are a year old and I only have 2 pair of casual business work pants so that's not a bad run. I'd already torn one of the cuffs on this pair so it was nearing that time anyway. Made me laugh. I wanted to share it with friends ... as I often do those sorts of things. Perks their day up as well.

It might've sounded like I started to describe one of those annoying "bad" days. One of those days where you feel the stress, anger or annoyance build. Except that isn't what happened. As I sit here writing I feel quite content. I'm none of those things. In fact if anything those things, spruced up my morning! I found a bit of humour in them and actually, in a way, enjoyed them. I don't have some super powers. One of the ladies at work this morning commented she'd find it hard to see me ever get riled up. She'd be right, but it wasn't always that way. Its been something I've been working on for a long time. Its part of my daily practice. Okay now I'm starting to sound like a yogi. I am a yogi. My practice is to get to know myself and be a better or closer realization of who I am and who I want to be every day. Its days like today that can test that. Its days like today that can show me my progress. We learn who we are through experience, through feeling and we can also learn who we want to be. Just like that handstand, it doesn't happen with one attempt. it doesn't happen overnight. its a practice. you may have to do thousands of handstand practices before you get your first handstand. The rest of your life is no different. The exciting part is that it doesn't end. When you get your first handstand, yoga isn't done, handstands are done. There is always more to explore and more to learn and do. Sometimes though its nice to see your progress. The handstand in the middle of the room or maybe that crazy day that turned out to not be so crazy after all!

​That's what I call it anyway. I'm almost always a base when I do acro yoga. I don't mind, in fact I prefer it, it's where I feel most at home. To me acro is much like a dance and the base is the lead. I've always appreciated dance, just never been all that good at it, and to me acro feels like dancing. There is a confidence and strength in basing that really fills me up. So the more basing you get to do the better right? I used to say "YES YES YES!" to that question. However the more skilled I've become, and now teaching acro as well, I find there are very different types of acro experience. One is like i talked about earlier. I find it freeing and expressive, it is an art form to me. I feel the connection with the flyer and together we create amazing things, routinely blowing my own mind. However this doesn't always mean I'm doing the most amazing tricks evar! My flyer and I find our experience together whether they are brand new or more experienced than me or anywhere in between.

Yet sometimes basing can take on a different connotation. After all, acro is a relationship between two people and for a relationship to be good it needs to be beneficial to both participants. Sometimes that isn't the case. Sometimes a partner is chosen for what they can do for you, not what you can bring to each other. I experience this as a base but I'm sure flyers experience a very similar thing. This is what I call Mall Ride Syndrome. For me, as a base, I feel it when flyers simply demand and control what they want to do. There is no interest in the connection or the relationship, instead it becomes "What can you do for me?" or "What can you fly me in?". The flyer puts the onus on me to "do" this to them or to "entertain" them. I find myself falling into the trap of "What would you like do?", "Okay there you go.", "Next?". Flyers aren't approaching me because they are interested in a connection or exploring or teaching or giving. They see an opportunity to do something.

I make it sound bad, but it isn't always so. I think its a normal part of an acro practice to see something beyond what you can do and want to experience it for yourself. That's what a practice is, growing. It only becomes a problem when it happens too much. As a base I start to lose that connection which gives me so much joy and I end up feeling more like an acro robot. Throw in a quarter or two and hop on my feet. Especially as a teacher it can become a very routine part of your practice. You could compare it to a form or burn out, base burn out? I start to lose touch with what makes the practice so special to me. In some ways you end up feeling used.

When it first started happening to me it slowly crept up on me. I didn't even realize what was happening at first. All i knew was i was losing interest in something I loved. Everyone experiences natural ebbs and flows in everything, and so i chalked it up to just that. Except it didn't start to flow again. I got kind of grumpy and started almost avoiding some flyers and being curt with others. I didn't like the way I was feeling or acting, it didn't seem like me. It wasn't until I flew with someone near my own skill level in a jam, quite by happenstance that I noticed a change. For the first time in a long time I felt a feeling of freedom. I could express myself and explore my capabilities. It was so enticing, it seemed the magic was back. However by the next jam it was gone. That particular flyer wasn't there and things were back to hum drum. I thought it was the flyer. Finally someone who challenged me. And for a long time I believed that. What it really was though was self attention. I'd lost myself in all the wants of all the flyers and working to give them the experience they wanted. Somewhere in there I lost what I wanted. Quite by accident someone brought that out in me and it was a spectacular feeling. I've since realized that its both as simple and as difficult as self care. If I don't pay attention to myself and what I need and what fills me up then I have less and less to give to anyone else. The exchange then didn't just happen between two people, it was within the entire community. Some people filled you up, others didn't, and everything in between.

I needed to make choices. I could say yes or no to a flyer. I could pursue a specific goal I had, with different flyers. I could communicate my needs to my flyer. More often than not something as simple as communicating my needs meant we could both benefit from the partnership.

It sounds like I've got it all figured out, but that's hardly the case. Still a practice and still a struggle for me. I hope to continue to get better at taking care of myself and still being able to give of myself. I love the practice for many different reasons but unlike many yoga practices acro isn't one you can do alone. Its a connection, a partnership between, at least, two separate individuals. Just like in real relationships we can't let ourselves get lost in that connection, always giving or always taking. We need to practice self care and care for our partner. No matter what levels each of us are at we all have something to offer each other. You don't have to be a mall ride and neither do I. If you start to feel that way, pay attention to it. That feeling means you need to spend some more time with self care. Maybe that means pursuing your interests or just taking a break. Keep working at it though. Problems worth fixing are so often not the ones that can be fixed right away. Practice and persistence with self care will get you there. At least that will continue to be my practice!

I love music. I'm one of those people who sees their lives through the lens of a music soundtrack. Memories, dreams, thoughts all accompanied by music. So it isn't surprising when some songs really strike a chord with me. I have a very deep emotional reaction to music and some songs in particular.

You've likely heard the song "boys of summer" in some version or another. I remember the original coming out in the 80s. I liked the beat of the song and loved the line "Your brown skin shining in the sun.You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby.". I couldn't avoid the lucid visuals the song provided. Yet despite all of that I didn't like it. It left me with a bad feeling. It left me in the exact state the song sung about, a feeling of loss and longing. Even as a kid I could feel it despite not understanding it. Back then all I knew was i didn't like the feeling it gave me, so I simply never bothered to listen to it.

Seems though everything comes back around again in some form or other. The Atari's covered the song with an updated punk feel that really hit me. All of the visuals still there, but this time with a sound much closer to what I grew up with. The song was no longer saying goodbye to the 70's, this was a goodbye to the 80's. My youth. Now more than ever the song hit a chord. Still it wasn't until 12 years after that release that I would give the song a chance. Too closed off to the feelings it creates. Until finally driving on a super hot summer day with the windows rolled down on the freeway, the song comes up on my playlist. I don't even recall getting the song, let alone adding it to a playlist. Still there is was. This time though I couldn't stop listening to it. For the first time I started to understand and really feel what it provoked inside me.

Its the feeling of summer ending. The beautiful times being over, the vacations gone, sunny warm blue skies leave and take with them all of the fun and freedom summer brings. As a kid summer meant freedom for me. Freedom not just from school but from my house, my family. I could escape outside. I could disappear on my bike or by foot for hours or all day. I could play endlessly it seemed. Exploring a summer world with the imaginations of my mind. Summer ending was always like a death to me. A knee to the gut back to reality, even as a kid. That feeling is still there. I still feel it, as much or more than I did as a kid. I don't really have that "past" to look back on like in the song. I happily leave my past in the past. Instead for me it feels like potential lost, like a brilliant summer never had, never finished. The sky never looks as blue in the winter. I was a boy of summer and I didn't want to be gone. From the first time I understood there were places where it was summer all year round I knew I was meant to be there. It wasn't just the physical stereotype of blonde hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, and a love of the water. Nor was it some sort of destiny, I don't even believe in such things. Yet still I have this deep connection to summer. Just lying on the grass or the beach and starring at the brilliant deep blue of the sky as the warm sun falls on my face. The feeling you get when you just "know" something. There is no reasoning its just inherent to who you are.

So for me this song is a longing for a summer I've never had. Its a summer I've glimpsed but always ends. I suppose everything ends but I'm never ready to let go of summer and everything it brings. I dream of Hawaii, or some tropical location, where summer never ends. My tan never fades and the sky is always blue. Where the water is inviting and the breeze is heavenly. Where I'm free with hair slicked back, sunglasses on and living in the sun.