Today is the warmest day of the year so far, 32 degrees Celsius in April. A rare event for sure. In fact this early May and late April have been a very early summer. I've been outdoors a lot. I've been busy soaking up the sun and the weather and the outdoor opportunities. Planning and arranging and getting ready for the rest of the summer. Yet today I find myself tired. I feel like I could use a nap and I likely need one. I've been pushing the summer fun fast and furious with this early opportunity. Yet an evening at home alone with nothing specific to do, something I cherish and enjoy, now brings me a feeling of guilt. I feel like I'm wasting an opportunity. Something so rare and so limited shouldn't be wasted. Everyone will ask, "what did you do last night, on the warmest night so far?". There is a certain pressure involved. A pressure to enjoy.
Of course this isn't a new thing. It isn't even specific to this beautiful early weather. It tends to happen at some point every summer. There is after all only so much you can do. Sometimes your brain and your body need a break. It can be hard to accept and its been something i've been working on more and more each year. I spend a winter dreaming of this sort of weather and then once it gets here I often find myself feeling guilty about not making enough use of it. I begin to crave the slower pace and lifestyle in the tropics. It would seem like the lack of winter would be the key and I'm sure it has plenty to do with it, but more so its the lack of any summer guilt. When its beautiful out ever day then taking a day to rest and relax isn't such a big deal. Whatever it is you think you should be doing, well, you can do that tomorrow. No rush to prepare and plan, you can take your time, you'll always find a nice day. I find myself envying that pace of life. In the winter, well that's pretty obvious, but in the summer because I don't want to rush and I don't want the guilt.
Facebook, Instagram etc. and even my own brain paint a picture that everyone else it out there enjoying much more of the summer than I am. They are making better use of their time. Of course whether or not that is actually true is another story entirely. Regardless the picture is painted.
Today I could use a rest, an evening off to be with myself and recharge and that's what I intend to do. I feel that nudge of guilt deep down in my belly telling me everyone else is out there enjoying this warmest day. Giving me an early dose of that summer guilt. I'm going to do my best to let it go. Rushing and pushing and feeling guilty if I don't has never taken me anywhere. It's never resolved anything for me. Letting the world be, the weather be and most of all myself be is my path to a more peaceful and content place. Let the summer guilt go. This may not be paradise, there may not be endless days of summer but I can find my own place in today and then I'll do my best to do the same again tomorrow and maybe the summer guilt will fade away.