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"Those who look outward dream, those who look inward awake."
- Carl Yung

The Art of Awkward

3/28/2017

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I'm awkward! I said it! Of course everyone has those moments when they feel awkward. Growing up I used to think of those moments as "times to improve". If I improved at this skill or that skill then I wouldn't feel awkward in those situations anymore. Eventually I would be confident and never feel awkward! It seemed like the way to go. After all someone that is successful in a situation never appears to be awkward. Appears being the key word.

Beginning yoga I began to experience awkward in myself. Feeling silly in certain positions or making certain sounds. Even just breathing felt awkward. As I transitioned into teaching a whole new world of awkward opened up. Again I worked through it, in my mind thinking that once I "arrived" or became "skilled" I would lose that awkwardness. A good teacher wasn't awkward. It wasn't until I began teaching acroyoga that I started to embrace the awkward. As an acro teacher I noticed that my students would have difficulty "breaking the ice" with people. When it comes to practicing acroyoga, "breaking the ice" is a necessity. Most of what you do and communicate in acro is unfamiliar to people. Just being in that close of a proximity to others, where touching and being in each others space is required to both practice and stay safe. Hesitation caused by second guessing one's self could cause injury or just ruin an otherwise good experience. I knew what that felt like after all, I'd been a student, I'd taken classes all over the place. I saw the way other teachers addressed those issues, all having their own merits. I learned greatly from all of those methods and went one step further ... I addressed the awkward!

Right at the beginning of the class I get that word out of the way. I bring everyone into a circle on the floor. Not just any circle though ... an awkward circle, and I call it that! Just sitting in a circle on the floor with strangers can be awkward enough but I take it one step further. We all sit touching people on either side of us. In the beginning maybe this is just knees or arms and for the first class that is definitely enough. From there I expand as the classes progress. Hand on the shoulder or on the head, holding pinky fingers ... well you get the idea. I also return to the awkward circle at the end of every class, always referring to it by name ... "the awkward circle". Of course touching isn't the only important skill in acro, communication and community are key, even if only for the duration of the class. So we talk. We start with maybe our name but always answer my "deep philosophical question" of the class. I always make it something seemingly silly and inconsequential but what it does is gets people talking and thinking and responding to each other in the large group. It isn't a personal question or anything that anyone would feel shy or judged about, its single purpose is to get people talking and listening and more often than not laughing and relaxing with each other. At the end of class I always revisit the talking, this time though I ask each of them to express their experience in the class in terms of ... well ... something silly. "Describe how you felt about your class in terms of fruit.".

It all can sound sort of mundane and childish but the effect is tremendous. So tremendous that its one of the first things people talk about when telling others about my classes. They do crazy acro things and even have pictures to prove it but they talk about the awkward circle. So much so I had shirts made that said, "I just came for the awkward circle.", the picture at the top is the real shirt!

It isn't just in the circle that I will talk about awkward. I'll address it in poses and in spotting. Constantly calling it out. If it could be awkward in any way, I'll call it out. That usually elicits some chuckles, but it also brings out into the open what many people are thinking or feeling. I'm the teacher ... if I'm talking about awkward then it must be okay to be or feel awkward. I noticed a tremendous difference in people. Students relaxed much quicker and were more open with each other. They still likely felt awkward but they knew everyone else was feeling the same and feeling awkward was not only okay but fun. The subject was brought up and out of the way right up front, so we could go on to play and have fun! I was truly amazed at the effect and at the response. In the beginning I thought people would just think I was goofy, but I didn't mind if it helped me with my classes. Instead though a strange thing happened. Students still thought I was a bit goofy but they also realized the reason and effect of bringing it up immediately. Classes moved along quicker, were safer, students learned faster and even created lasting connections with each other much more easily than before. Embracing our awkward let us all connect and share.

I still use the awkward circle all the time. Teaching classes for 3 years now it takes plenty of effort to continue to be original and new with it, especially when some of my students have been there with me since the beginning. Still I think the awkward circle is one of the reasons they are still with me, so the effort is worth it. It not only helps our community and our practice but it also allows me to bridge larger subjects like talking about body positive in all shapes and sizes and how to be confident with your own boundaries and not be afraid to say something even if it is ... awkward! I've seen some of the negative aspects of acro and yoga and being able to discuss those things in a safe and open place goes a long long way to helping remove them from the community.

Some of my students have gone on to use my "awkward circle" or "deep philosophical questions" outside of classes in their own lives. One of the truly large compliments I received was while attending a jam which I had students running on their own as jambassadors. They would start each jam with an awkward circle, even when I wasn't there. I'd never even thought of using it at a jam but what did it do? It made new people feel more comfortable with the group, introduced everyone and gave that sense of community a boost. The jams went from 5 people to 15 people and I think that was in no small part thanks to embracing the awkward.

It hasn't just been about my yoga classes and students either that have benefited. It's helped me. "Networking" is something I never cared for, it just isn't my thing. I would refer to it as schmoozing and thought it was a complete waste of time. After all I felt it should be my skill that represents me not small talk. Still embracing that awkward and seeing the result of community and connection I've persuaded myself to embrace my own awkward in those situations. Making new connections and opportunities for myself and for others. It isn't something I will ever be comfortable with, I know that, but I also know I can delve into my awkward and be okay with that. I wouldn't want to spend my whole day feeling awkward, no one does. Every once in a while though allowing yourself to be awkward can have all sorts of benefits!

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Mini Pops

3/10/2017

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Mini Pops? Yes the Mini Pops. I'm dating myself but the Mini Pops were my first introduction to current rock music. I lived in a small town growing up, very small, less than 1000 people. Of course I didn't really know it was small, or for that matter, limited in any way. Up until that point I had really only listened to the "rock" music of my parents. This was my first contemporary rock music. Kid's singing popular rock songs. I stared over and over at that cassette cover as I listened to the songs over and over on my knock off Walkman cassette player. (It was super cool, it was white and had a strap to carry it over the shoulder and two detachable speakers (stereo!) ... for when I wanted to rock out! 4 double A batteries and I was a rock star on the move!)

My favorite song on the album was easily "Video Killed the Radio Star". Play, Stop, Rewind, Play Again. I'm surprised I didn't wear the cassette out entirely. At the time I was mesmerized by the song and the cover art. These kids, no older than me had somehow managed to land a gig where they had released an album and got to dress up in super fancy costumes! I didn't have access to videos where I lived. We had 3 channels and you had to have a motorized antenna on your house to accomplish that (or crawl up there an move it yourself)! So no MTV or MUCH music for me. My medium? The TV commercial. That was as close as I got to watching videos.

I don't recall exactly how we got the cassette but I can guess it went something like this. A TV commercial showing clips of videos of the kids singing modern rock songs. A trip to the nearest city and the K-Mart/Zellers and actually seeing the cassette in the store. Then pleading with the parents to buy it for you. I think we had 3 different Mini Pops cassettes in total, but it was this one and Video Killed the Radio Star in particular that struck me. I was a latch key kid so TV (Video) was raising me and I found the lyrics particularly poignant, even if I was only 8ish. It made sense to me. My parents loved radio but to me radio was dead, long live TV! The song was sad but with a catchy beat. I could see the "figurative" radio star actually dying. At the same time my mind would swirl with pictures all sequenced together in my own video. I wanted to sing, I wanted to dress up and be in a video, I wanted to be a Mini Pop, or maybe for the first time I wanted to be a rock star.

Thanks for sharing but what does any of this have to do with Yoga or Acro Yoga, you ask? The more I explore movement, the more I perform and teach classes my brain goes back to that little kid. Now as an adult I'm playing out those same visions in real life. When I was a kid it was all about my imagination. Where I lived there were no such opportunities. The Mini Pops was something I could only imagine, nothing I could ever actually do. Sure I'm not singing, I'm not a rock star, but I am an artist. I'm learning to dance, I'm learning how to choreograph not only Acro but dance too! Putting it all to music, in my very own "music video". I'm playing! I'm playing just like I did as a kid. One of those rare full circle moments in life. Sure its just a hobby for me. I have a day job and find it hard to believe I could ever support myself with play enough to ever fully leave it. What is important though is that I do it at all. To me yoga and Acro yoga especially are like play. For the first time as an adult I find myself reminded of being a kid and just playing. If you go to any kid and say "go play", they inherently know what that means. At least I did as a kid. As an adult? If you had asked me to "go play", I'd have said, "Play what?". Now in some way I've recaptured play in my life. Not only play but those same dreams and videos that would run in my head.

I remember coming up with my own "video" routines where I'd lip sync and move around to tell a story to some of my favourite songs. One of those songs was "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Mini Pops. In fact it wasn't until I was in university and had moved to the "big" city that I finally had access to MUCH music and saw/heard the real song/video. It struck a memory yet to my head didn't sound quite right. Not quite right because the Mini Pops cover was what was instilled in my memory. Now my adulthood gives me access to that same play and thanks to the miracle of Youtube I can finally see the whole Mini Pops video for Video Killed the Radio Star that I only ever glimpsed in commercials.

I remember that kid. The way that kid thought and dreamed. Now that I'm "all grown up", those same things that interested and intrigued that little kid, I'm doing as an adult. I didn't get here on purpose either which, maybe for me, makes it even more poignant. Rather I stumbled here in anything but a straight path and only now after having been on this path for 6 years (and likely longer) am I just starting to see where I am and how much it resembles many of those same things that little kid dreamt about. I say "many" because I still haven't been able to figure out how to change into He-Man, or get my vehicle to transform into an awesome robot, or manage to raise 6 million dollars to get the bionics implanted in my body to make me a super hero! A guy can still dream though!

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