SCOTT'S YOGA

Arguing has become a bad word. I see it being used as a negative everywhere these days. Yet if you look at the definition on the word, its clear its meant as a neutral word. If I say "I was arguing with my neighbour last night about pizza", it sounds bad, but if I instead say "I made an argument for eating pizza", it already sounds much less sinister. Both sentences could be talking about the exact same event. So what is going on?

I'm not only a yoga teacher, I'm also a software developer. While reading online, which I like to think of as "career development", I stumbled across a link to a Wikipedia article about arguing. Well not really arguing, it was a page about a somewhat famous developer/philosopher who created a wonderful diagram about ... arguing. This is it:
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First off I should likely have mentioned how much I like pyramid diagrams, and with colours? forget about it! Ignoring those affinities for a moment though, I found the diagram quite enlightening. It basically breaks down arguments into 7 types and the size of the area on the pyramid denotes how often it is used in an argument. In area and in frequency the bottom 3 types represent most arguments. I haven't ever done any scientific analysis or data collection to verify my agreement with this, its purely anecdotal. I suspect the creator of the diagram created it anecdotally as well. Still it feels right. The bottom 3 types are inherently confrontational and many arguments start off in these three levels but many more may begin higher up and simply devolve rather quickly into the bottom 3. I've noticed the tendency in myself to want to devolve an argument. I've also noticed a tendency to want to avoid the argument entirely. While agreeing to disagree on something as simple as your favourite colour of cheese or the spelling of "colour" is harmless, too often agreeing to disagree or avoiding the argument sets us back and leaves us in ignorance.

So how can you up your argument game and reverse your argument pyramid? We can learn from argument, we can grow from argument. An argumentative discussion can be a lot of fun as well if you can stick to the top of the pyramid and maybe just sometime ... your mind will change or grow, or you'll give that opportunity to someone else. Let's practice our arguing!

Everyone has likely heard the children's song "There's a hole in my bucket", the story of Henry and Liza. I heard it first on Sesame Street and I'm still quite partial to that version and that puppet skit. So why am I writing about a children's song? Well, today i went to look up that video on youtube to watch it. The song had come to mind somehow and I thought a little reminiscing was in order. I found it and it was as awesome as I remember. However I also found a wikipedia article about it and numerous other blog entries about the song. I was shocked to hear people's interpretation of the song. Everyone seems to think that Henry is a dimwit and Liza has to tell him how to do everything. There is no doubt that Liza is most likely getting frustrated with Henry throughout the song but I never thought that Henry was a dimwit. In fact I thought it was the opposite. He already knew the paradox of the problem and was stumped so only then does he approach Liza. To me Liza didn't seem the type to put up with lengthy explanations like this one, so the only way Henry could make her see the problem was to walk her through all the steps. In the end Henry is vindicated. He has shown Liza the paradox and she has provided no new insight, but at the very least now understands the magnitude of the issue. Sometimes you just need to walk people through to the answer because they either won't believe you or they won't take the time to listen. So for me Liza was the one with the problem. She was a hot head and perhaps just a little bit bossy. Dear old Henry was a patient and thoughtful fella who just wanted to explain the problem to Liza in a way she could understand.

Kid's like it because it's funny. Once the story ends it starts all over again at the bucket and the hole. Kid's like paradox's, I know I did. In my mind its a song of vindication for Henry. At the end we realize that Henry's first question was not so dumb after all. We've come full circle in our understanding of the situation, one that Henry had all the time.

How often have you been beset by the same issue? You know the full scope of the issue and the first/common sense approach simply doesn't work, yet the only way to make someone else understand that is to allow them to figure it out for themselves or even guide them along the way with a few "helpful" questions. Being a software developer and an acro/yoga teacher I feel like I'm often in that situation. The best way to understand a problem is for most people to figure it out themselves. Simply telling them the answer doesn't always work. So just like Henry I take the time to walk them through the process. The process I've typically already solved. Allowing them to discover the answer themselves ... with a little guidance.

An answer someone comes to through their own process or through a guided process where they work through the steps always seems to lead to better learning. When I was younger I found having to lead someone along to be so pedantic. Why can't you just see the answer? Everyone learns differently and if you want someone to learn or understand something then you have to accommodate them and the way they learn. Give them the tools and the situations that allow them to figure things out for themselves. Not only will they learn faster but they will remember better. Just like Henry lead Liza to understand the paradox of the hole in the bucket! I bet she won't be so uppity the next time Henry asks!

​As defined by the dictionary - "a group of people that share something in common". Pretty simple right? Still I think very few people truly understand what it takes to create a community and too often take community for granted. Its a word that gets tossed around all of the time with little thought about what it really means. People make use of community, benefit by it, enjoy it, and for the most part just assume it should be there. Is community a natural thing that occurs on its own? Or is it something that requires effort and contribution to work? How about both?

Communities definitely have a natural tendency to form around common interests. They also have a natural tendency to fade away. I've been observing community in yoga and around yoga for 6 years now. I've been a member, I've been a "leader", I've even been the common interest for a community. I've seen community build and I've seen community die. I've worked to build community and I've purposefully left communities. One thing all this experience can tell me for certain is that community requires effort. It shouldn't come as a surprise, everything in life does. Effort and practice are the hallmarks of a yoga practice and in turn, life. Bah! you say? I'm a member of communities and they don't require effort! First off, you are a "member", which at the very least requires interaction and communication ... or effort, if you aren't doing those things then you likely aren't a member. Second, if there is more to your community, events, gatherings, classes, facebook pages, email group, pictures, and the list goes on and on, then someone else is putting in even more effort.

Community isn't guaranteed, it definitely isn't a right. Communities aren't there to be controlled or to serve a single person. Community is a natural tendency of people who have something in common, and a willingness to share that commonality together for the benefit of everyone. There is no magic, community only happens with effort.

There is an unspoken rule to community. If people don't communicate or interact then ... well, you can't have a community. The amount of benefit we derive from community isn't always the same as the effort we put into it. For some people its very much the other way around. Still for others it may be equal. There is no hard and fast rule, and sadly many people simply will never understand what community is, nor will they understand that community is there to serve everyone in it. Still a community requires all sorts of people to succeed and roles within a community can and should change over time.

Are you a part of a community you value? How does that community exist? Who does work behind the scenes? How much do you help foster the community?

For a community to succeed the individuals within it must value it enough to put in effort and in some case put the community above their personal interests. There is a natural tendency to split off into smaller groups. There is a natural tendency to be selfish at times and simply take what you want without giving back. However the more you divide, the more you are selfish, the more the community can suffer. There will be people who will choose to simply take advantage of the community without giving back. There is also a natural ebb and flow of people in and out of the community. But the the flow of people in doesn't happen by magic. It only happens when members of the community actively bring new people in, by advertising, by teaching, by being open. Community is not a competition for control or popularity as some people see it. It takes a culture of openness and sharing to make community work.

This is community to me!

​I just read an article about "flow". It was applied in a rather misleading way. In my mind "flow" is that sensation when one is absorbed within the action they are performing so deeply that all else fades away. "Flow" is a state of mind experienced by the flower. However this author chose to define flow as something that appears effortless. The prima ballerina looks so beautiful and effortless in her performance she is in flow. Although that definition applies an outside perspective. Something simply appearing to be in flow doesn't mean the performer of that action is in flow. She continues to use her experience as a ballerina to say when she was dancing there was never any flow, there was just tonnes of hard work. She was constantly thinking this or that could be changed or improved. She was sweating, she got tired. All of those things together proved it wasn't flow!

In reality it proves the opposite. What she describes IS flow. In fact that is exactly what flow is. Flow is a mental state of focus. It doesn't claim ease, it doesn't mean mindless. Its the opposite of those things. Flow requires great effort and energy. She wasn't thinking about groceries, or what she was going to do later that night. She was in the moment. Aware of the music and her body at such an intense level. She was in flow. Flow isn't magic. It doesn't just happen. To get there takes immense practice. To get there takes immense energy. To maintain flow takes both. Yes, to an outsider, to a viewer it may appear as ease, or effortlessness, but flow is not about the observer. Flow is about the performer. The prima ballerina is so practiced that she appears to flow, her movements and beauty seem effortless to the observer. Yet if you were to ask the ballerina she would likely have a million things to say to the contrary, but her thoughts would only be of the dance, because for those moments all of her attention was with her dance. She was in flow. Flow is a state of mind and not a state of appearance. Flow is not about having fun or doing well. Flow is a state of mental focus and awareness.

I am a yoga teacher and I often talk of "ease" with my students. What do I mean by "ease"? I don't need to tell them, they feel it. It comes with much practice. A movement that once seemed impossible, that took immense effort, now comes easier. Its as if your brain and your body have finally figured it out. Does that mean they stop thinking about it? Not at all! It means the exact opposite. Now they begin to think of it at a different level of awareness. Then you work towards the next and the next. It is a constant practice. The author seems to think there should be an end game. A place where the person says, "I've completed all the levels!". I no longer can improve and i no longer need to practice. I'd have to ask in what world has that ever been true of anything? Dance or any pursuit for that matter is always one of improvement and practice. There is no completion. You can stop or continue but you will never complete it.

Some of my students look at me and think some of the things I do are magical. "Wow!", they say. Secretly desiring to be able to do the same things. I tell them that they will with practice. When they do they are so amazed. Still achievement has nothing to do with flow. Instead what is happening is the students are not learning the pose. They are learning to flow. They see the teacher do something and see a body moving and balancing. They attempt it and fail, but each time they try they learn to focus on more and more until they achieve a level of focus and awareness that allows them to complete it. They achieved flow. Sure you'll say but it isn't all flow, its muscle and strength and stamina. Yes all of those things are part of it but none of them are independent from it. As they practice those physical changes will happen. If they do the movements the body will go there. The mind however is a different thing. I've seen the strongest and fittest people not be successful. They are unsuccessful because they don't have the focus and awareness. One is not equal to the other.

So what of flow? Flow exists. Its hard. Very hard. It takes extensive energy and practice to get there. The author was experiencing flow all over the place and simply didn't understand it. She assumed ease meant that it would be easy. In yoga there is a saying that shavasana (corpse pose lying on the floor), is the hardest pose. Yet every beginner will make the joke, hardest?, its the only one I can do! Can you though? You may be able to lie still on the floor but that is not the yoga pose. That is simply the body position. It is the easiest body position in yoga and therefore the hardest mental position. Yoga asks you to find "flow" in your practice. Finding flow in shavasana is very hard. When you are challenged by your strength , flexibility and  balance, focusing on the current moment is easy. If you don't you will fall on your face. But finding ease in those difficult poses begins to teach you how to find ease elsewhere. How to flow elsewhere. Ask a yoga teacher who in their class is truly achieving shavasana and who isn't. They will be able to tell you. Yet to you it will just look like a bunch of people lying down. To the observer they all appear to be at ease with the pose. To the trained observer the answer is more clear, but the true answer is only available to the performer. Only they know if they are in flow.

I'm awkward! I said it! Of course everyone has those moments when they feel awkward. Growing up I used to think of those moments as "times to improve". If I improved at this skill or that skill then I wouldn't feel awkward in those situations anymore. Eventually I would be confident and never feel awkward! It seemed like the way to go. After all someone that is successful in a situation never appears to be awkward. Appears being the key word.

Beginning yoga I began to experience awkward in myself. Feeling silly in certain positions or making certain sounds. Even just breathing felt awkward. As I transitioned into teaching a whole new world of awkward opened up. Again I worked through it, in my mind thinking that once I "arrived" or became "skilled" I would lose that awkwardness. A good teacher wasn't awkward. It wasn't until I began teaching acroyoga that I started to embrace the awkward. As an acro teacher I noticed that my students would have difficulty "breaking the ice" with people. When it comes to practicing acroyoga, "breaking the ice" is a necessity. Most of what you do and communicate in acro is unfamiliar to people. Just being in that close of a proximity to others, where touching and being in each others space is required to both practice and stay safe. Hesitation caused by second guessing one's self could cause injury or just ruin an otherwise good experience. I knew what that felt like after all, I'd been a student, I'd taken classes all over the place. I saw the way other teachers addressed those issues, all having their own merits. I learned greatly from all of those methods and went one step further ... I addressed the awkward!

Right at the beginning of the class I get that word out of the way. I bring everyone into a circle on the floor. Not just any circle though ... an awkward circle, and I call it that! Just sitting in a circle on the floor with strangers can be awkward enough but I take it one step further. We all sit touching people on either side of us. In the beginning maybe this is just knees or arms and for the first class that is definitely enough. From there I expand as the classes progress. Hand on the shoulder or on the head, holding pinky fingers ... well you get the idea. I also return to the awkward circle at the end of every class, always referring to it by name ... "the awkward circle". Of course touching isn't the only important skill in acro, communication and community are key, even if only for the duration of the class. So we talk. We start with maybe our name but always answer my "deep philosophical question" of the class. I always make it something seemingly silly and inconsequential but what it does is gets people talking and thinking and responding to each other in the large group. It isn't a personal question or anything that anyone would feel shy or judged about, its single purpose is to get people talking and listening and more often than not laughing and relaxing with each other. At the end of class I always revisit the talking, this time though I ask each of them to express their experience in the class in terms of ... well ... something silly. "Describe how you felt about your class in terms of fruit.".

It all can sound sort of mundane and childish but the effect is tremendous. So tremendous that its one of the first things people talk about when telling others about my classes. They do crazy acro things and even have pictures to prove it but they talk about the awkward circle. So much so I had shirts made that said, "I just came for the awkward circle.", the picture at the top is the real shirt!

It isn't just in the circle that I will talk about awkward. I'll address it in poses and in spotting. Constantly calling it out. If it could be awkward in any way, I'll call it out. That usually elicits some chuckles, but it also brings out into the open what many people are thinking or feeling. I'm the teacher ... if I'm talking about awkward then it must be okay to be or feel awkward. I noticed a tremendous difference in people. Students relaxed much quicker and were more open with each other. They still likely felt awkward but they knew everyone else was feeling the same and feeling awkward was not only okay but fun. The subject was brought up and out of the way right up front, so we could go on to play and have fun! I was truly amazed at the effect and at the response. In the beginning I thought people would just think I was goofy, but I didn't mind if it helped me with my classes. Instead though a strange thing happened. Students still thought I was a bit goofy but they also realized the reason and effect of bringing it up immediately. Classes moved along quicker, were safer, students learned faster and even created lasting connections with each other much more easily than before. Embracing our awkward let us all connect and share.

I still use the awkward circle all the time. Teaching classes for 3 years now it takes plenty of effort to continue to be original and new with it, especially when some of my students have been there with me since the beginning. Still I think the awkward circle is one of the reasons they are still with me, so the effort is worth it. It not only helps our community and our practice but it also allows me to bridge larger subjects like talking about body positive in all shapes and sizes and how to be confident with your own boundaries and not be afraid to say something even if it is ... awkward! I've seen some of the negative aspects of acro and yoga and being able to discuss those things in a safe and open place goes a long long way to helping remove them from the community.

Some of my students have gone on to use my "awkward circle" or "deep philosophical questions" outside of classes in their own lives. One of the truly large compliments I received was while attending a jam which I had students running on their own as jambassadors. They would start each jam with an awkward circle, even when I wasn't there. I'd never even thought of using it at a jam but what did it do? It made new people feel more comfortable with the group, introduced everyone and gave that sense of community a boost. The jams went from 5 people to 15 people and I think that was in no small part thanks to embracing the awkward.

It hasn't just been about my yoga classes and students either that have benefited. It's helped me. "Networking" is something I never cared for, it just isn't my thing. I would refer to it as schmoozing and thought it was a complete waste of time. After all I felt it should be my skill that represents me not small talk. Still embracing that awkward and seeing the result of community and connection I've persuaded myself to embrace my own awkward in those situations. Making new connections and opportunities for myself and for others. It isn't something I will ever be comfortable with, I know that, but I also know I can delve into my awkward and be okay with that. I wouldn't want to spend my whole day feeling awkward, no one does. Every once in a while though allowing yourself to be awkward can have all sorts of benefits!